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A Humorous Look At News Events And Life Around The World

Archive for June, 2009

The Diego’s Are At It Again

Posted by Boghound on June 30, 2009


Surprise….Surprise…..The Spaniards are at it again…..At what?….Snatching land back from people who have done nothing illegal but now have because the Socialist Government keep moving the goal posts……This time the actor Antonio Banderas and his wife the actress Melanie Griffith are on the receiving end of a vindictive Spanish Left……After buying a £5 million mansion on the coast near Marbella………..

Over 14,000 square feet of land belonging to the couple will be seized to allow public access to the beach. The confiscated strip lies adjacent to the 40 ft swimming pool at the villa, named La Gaviota is to be seized to make a public access to the beach….Last year he was ordered to demolish part of the six-bedroom property because it was built with a licence issued to the previous owner that should not have been granted. The actor appealed that ruling and a decision is pending.

Thousand of homeowners, including many Britons, risk losing their property in the region after finding themselves the victim of corrupt town hall officials who issued planning permission to builders after illegally reclassifying land.

The Hollywood couple, who bought their home from a previous owner who had all the relevant legal documents, seem to be locked into a constant battle with Government Officials like many other property owning non-Spanish are…..The Spanish authorities have vowed to revoke building licences issued on green belt land in an attempt to rectify overbuilding across 500 miles of Spain’s coastline……So the Diego’s are back to their old profession of land grabbing, look what they did in South America, and piracy…..Send the gunboats in to sort them out…..Where’s “Hornblower” and “Sharpe” when you need them!!!!!

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You’ve Got To Laugh

Posted by Boghound on June 29, 2009


Daddy is mowing the lawn when his young son comes
running out of the house calling to him.
“Daddy, daddy, what’s sex?” asks the boy.
For a moment dad is dumbstruck but then decides that if his
son has asked the question, then he must do his best to
answer it. For the next few minutes dad talks about the birds
and the bees, then human relationships, love, the sex act,
having babies – in fact he does a pretty good job of covering
every aspect. Eventually he comes to a stop when he sees how
oddly his son is looking at him.
“Why did you want to know?” he asks.
“Well, Mummy said to come out and tell you that dinner
would be ready in two secs.”
★ ★ ★
Man to son:
Endeavour to marry a girl with small hands, it’ll make your
penis look bigger.
★ ★ ★
“Mummy, mummy, I’ve discovered how babies are made.
I saw daddy put his willy in your mouth last night.”

“No, that’s not right,” replied mummy, “that’s how I get my
expensive jewellery.”

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YUM….YUM….Cakes

Posted by Boghound on June 28, 2009


Fresh Apple Cake

4 c. diced apples (don’t dice too fine)
2 c. sugar
1/2 c. oil
1 c. nuts
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
2 c. flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
Mix apples and sugar together. Mix in all other ingredients. Put in 9×13 inch greased pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-60 minutes or until cake shrinks from edge of pan.

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Carrot Cake

3 c. sifted flour
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. salt
2 c. sugar
1 1/4 c. oil
1 tsp. vanilla
4 eggs
3 c. raw carrots, grated fine
1 c. raisins (opt.)
1/2 c. walnuts (opt.)
Beat sugar, oil, and vanilla together. Thoroughly beat in eggs one at a time. Add dry ingredients, alternately with carrots. Put in 13x9x2- in. baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees about 40 minutes.
Frosting:
1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese, softened
2 tbsp. light corn syrup
2 1/4 c. powdered sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. nuts, chopped (opt.)
Blend frosting ingredients and frost cake. That’s it!

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Sour Cream Coffee Cake

1 c. sour cream
2 eggs
1 1/2 c. flour
1 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
Powdered sugar
Combine sour cream and eggs and beat well. Sift dry ingredients together, then add to egg mixture and stir lightly. Spread in lightly greased 8×8-in. pan. Bake in 350 degree oven for 25 minutes. Sprinkle with
powdered sugar while hot.

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MICHAEL JACKSON R.I.P.

Posted by Boghound on June 26, 2009


MICHAEL JACKSON

1958 – 2009

Thanks for the music

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Auntie Beeb Wobbles!

Posted by Boghound on June 25, 2009


Well the BBC, as usual, has cowered in the corner over public opinion and responded to the largest piece of audience research ever undertaken by the BBC……..PHEW……THEY ASKED 2700. AGED FROM ELEVEN YEARS UPWARDS ……..and is now planning an about-turn in several areas of editorial policy. The 9pm watershed will no longer be regarded as a cut-off point after which audiences can be subjected to swearing and sexual content…….The BBC Trust said it had asked Mark Thompson, the directorgeneral, to consider broadcasting the most offensive language between 9pm and 10pm only in “exceptional” circumstances…..Strong language may also be “bleeped out” regardless of whether or not the show is broadcast after 9pm. Programmes will be obliged to carry warnings of potentially offensive content at all times of the day……But this is already happening…..A lot of the comedy repeats during the day already have words extinguished but when they were originally shown they were not censured!!!!….This action stinks of hypocrisy and it gets worse …..

The BBC will not disclose how much bosses spent entertaining its best-paid stars when executives’ expenses claims are published, it has emerged.

The details of the expenses claimed by senior staff are to be made public for the first time as early as today, amid growing concern about possible misuse of licence fee-payers’ money……But information about the sums spent on hospitality for its most high-profile presenters and actors will be censored, sparking allegations of a partial cover-up.

Some BBC executives claimed as much as £1,000 a month for lunches, hotel stays and theatre trips in addition to their salaries…But the corporation claims the Freedom of Information Act allows expenses related to “journalism, art or literature” to be kept secret…….SURPRISE…….SURPRISE……This is an organisation which is funded by the British Public but is run in such a “cloak & dagger” way as to be laughable……As with a lot of Public funded organizations in Britain…..The people that pay the funding have little control on where that money goes!!!!!….COME THE REVOLUTION

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Another Larf’

Posted by Boghound on June 24, 2009


25311

The wife’s mother rushed into the maternity wing to find out
how her daughter was progressing. As she entered the
waiting room, she spotted her son-in-law. Unbeknown to her,
he was listening to the cricket on his IPod.
“How’s it going?” she asked anxiously.
“Not bad,” he smiled, “they’ve got four out and there’s only
one to go.”
“Aaah,” she screamed, and fainted.
★ ★ ★
The 50-year-old woman phoned up her 60-year-old husband.
“Darling, it’s a miracle, the doctor says I’m pregnant, isn’t
that wonderful? You’re going to be a father.”
“That’s great” replied the husband. “By the way, who is
this?”
★ ★ ★
Johnnie asked for time off because his wife was going to have
a baby. The following day, his boss asked him what it was – a
boy or a girl.
“Too early to say,” said Johnny.” “it’ll be another 9 months
before we know the answer to that.”

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The RBS are at it again!!

Posted by Boghound on June 22, 2009


WELL……WHAT A SURPRISE……The RBS are at it again….Oh what short memorys the bank chiefs must think the British public have……First we have the crazy situation where the bank is spending £300,000 on corporate entertaining at Wimbledon!!!!!!….

Customers of RBS, which is now more than 70 per cent owned by the government, will enjoy fine dining and champagne courtesy of the bank as they watch the tennis championships
at the All England Club….In 2008 it recorded the biggest corporate loss in British history and made thousands redundant….but hey….What the hell an email leaked to the Daily Mail describes the bank’s booking of an “entertainment suite” for more than 42 guests for each of the tournament’s 13 days, at a cost of at least £19,500 a day and in addition, the bank will pay up to £100 for each Centre Court seat and £75 a head for lunch….A spokesperson said…

“We have cut our hospitality by 90 per cent this year to recognise the reality of our situation. The cost of the Wimbledon event is already sunk in and contracted.”…..YEH RIGHT….Just where should I stick that bowl of strawberries!!!

The second bit of bare-faced cheek that’s just been revealed is…..

Royal Bank of Scotland’s plan to pay chief executive Stephen Hester almost £10m…..This has been met
with anger by unions, who accused the state-owned bank of turning its back on the thousands of
staff who are losing their jobs…..This package, which has been agreed to by UK Financial Investments – which controls the taxpayers’s 70pc stake along with the bank’s other top-20 shareholders….Who no doubt all belong to the same clubs and watering holes. The package evidently consists of close to £6.4m of long-term share and stock option awards, as well as £1.2m in salary and an estimated £2m of annual non-cash bonus payments……The package is broadly in line with executive remuneration at some other UK banks. HSBC chief Michael Geoghegan’s total package includes £7.5m in long-term awards on top of a £1.1m salary. However, Eric Daniels, chief executive of Lloyds Banking Group – which like RBS is part-nationalised – earns a basic of £1m and has a long-term incentive plan of no more than £2m…..My heart reaches out for him…..These buggers never learn and it was only to be expected that it would be business as usual in the financial institutions of Britain with just a game of musical chairs to keep the British public confused and “happy”……COME THE REVOLUTION!!!!!

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The Expense’s Saga

Posted by Boghound on June 21, 2009


Thanks to the Daily Telegraph and the “whistleblower”, who should be put forward for a knighthood, the revelations about British MP’s expenses has been going on now for well over a month with no signs of abating.

Last week we got the log awaited official release of MP’s expense’s claims….Which only really consisted of a mass of black ink…This was really the last straw for reporters and the British electorate….How the MP’s thought that they would be able to “walk away” from all this beggars belief…..Here are some of the “petty claims” the buggers put in……Don’t forget that Ministers are earning £161,000 and ordinary MP’s are earning £64,000 without expenses……Yet have got the bloody barefaced cheek to claim for:

50p carrier bag from Ikea, 75p for two scotch eggs and £1.79 for five mini pork pies, £2.50 for a Kit Kat from the minibar of the Sherlock Holmes Hotel, £1.31 for a jar of jellied eels, £3 93 for eight sachets of mulled wine, £4.47 for pet food, £14.99 for a shoebox, £255 for 17 silk cushions, 39p for a single paper clip, £7.99 on a book called “Reasons to be Cheerful”, 38p Muller Crunch Corner yogurt and £1.06 for a pizza from Asda

…….and so the list goes on and on, and on, and on.

How the buggers thought that they had the right to claim and get away with all these frivolous expense claim beggars belief but also….which is more important…..THE CONTEMPT WITH WHICH THEY THOUGHT OF THE ELECTORATE.

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MP’s Expenses “Revealed”??

Posted by Boghound on June 19, 2009


 

WELL………WELL……..WELL…..The long awaited day finally arrived and the official publication revealing  British MP’s expenses was published!!!!….Well not really….Most of the publication was covered in black ink blanking out the relevant details that have been published in the “Daily Telegraph” for the past three weeks…..The “Mole” that sent the relevant cd should be put forward for a knighthood…for without his help the public would have been none the wiser to the scams the MP’s were getting up to and the one’s that have been shamed into paying money back certainly would not have done.

Party leaders struggled to explain the decision to publish heavily blacked-out versions of MPs’ claims as public anger mounted…..The parliamentary expenses files do not expose MPs who have “flipped” their designated second homes and many of the most controversial claims have been completely blacked out in the documents.

Details that would have allowed the public to identify interest claimed on so-called “phantom mortgages” — such as in the case of Elliot Morley, the former environment minister — or MPs who were able to avoid paying capital gains tax on
the sale of properties — such as Kitty Ussher, the Treasury minister forced to resign — were also excluded.

Controversial claims by Tory MPs for the cleaning of a moat and the purchase of a floating duck island were also omitted.

The decision to publish the information in this way — following weeks of disclosures about questionable claims in The Telegraph — provoked widespread surprise and anger. The full scale of the censorship of the expense claims made by senior MPs, including the Cabinet, can be disclosed in Friday’s Daily Telegraph which publishes the details excluded from yesterday’s release.

MPs had originally argued that their addresses be excluded for security reasons, but vast additional amounts of detail of their
claims have ended up being censored.
Hundreds of pages of claims have been removed altogether before the expense files were published.

No wonder the scheming bunch of reprobates fought so long and hard to stop or curtail publication……..

COME THE REVOLUTION……All this might stop!

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The Lighter Side!!

Posted by Boghound on June 18, 2009


Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!” The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.” Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

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As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, what were you thinkin’?

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